I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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