So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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