just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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