so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
