So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My balls are so social today.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
