I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
