apparently the secret to your success is patron
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
