One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
