you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize