i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
