i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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