think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
