I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
