You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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