dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Welp...herpes.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
