He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I need to calm my uterus...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
