you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
