I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
