New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
