I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
