Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
