barbara walters just said penis...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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