Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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