walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
