I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
