Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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