her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
