bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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