don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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