I wanna passion pit in your ass
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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