I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
