when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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