guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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