I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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