Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
