Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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