Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
