Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
