I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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