sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
