I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
