dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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