TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
