i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
