bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
