i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
vagina is talking i cant
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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