I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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