nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
