I hope mine doesn't look like that
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
