He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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