: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
