there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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