We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
