Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
