i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
