Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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