You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
