youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
