i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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