Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
