Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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