I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
