How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
