My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she pinky promised me she was 18
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
