Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
