No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I AM VODKA MAN
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
