your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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