I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
