man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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