i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
