herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
