where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
