You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
