she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
