Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
