You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
