biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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