the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
