I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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