I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
