do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
