Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
