This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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