bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
