I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
