could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
