Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
