just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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