Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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