Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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