im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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