Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
