This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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