I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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