someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
