you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
