The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
