Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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