I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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