this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
